Wally, one for You :)

[Chevvyf1]

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She wanted a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled
the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs
new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes!
Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,

.... but all men...are men!

[Wally]

Re: Wally, one for You

This would seem to back your theory up... Just A Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing beside her...


She smiled, and said; "Grandma will pay the bill"

[Chevvyf1]

Re: Wally, one for You

Wally, borrowed that for Fb to share

[Ross the fiddler]

Re: Wally, one for You

I have one for Wally as well (I just got it by email), since I'm from the music world, it is on that subject.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. Could it be Andre Rieu, he thinks to himself?
He looks around but no one can be seen, so he starts searching for the source.


He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827."


Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!


Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.


By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.


The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.


By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.


Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.


"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says: "He's decomposing."



PS I don't know what happened to his symphonies 8 & 6? Maybe his memory was slipping as well as his hearing (while he's "decomposing")!

[KeithL]

Re: Wally, one for You

Since Chevvy likes sick ones....

There's a very ugly bloke who can't get a girl, goes to the pub every night, and sits grumpily over a beer all night.

Then suddenly one night, he comes in, beaming from ear to ear. Barman says, "Hey you look happy! Never seen you like that." Bloke says, "On my way home last night, I went by the railway, and there was this girl there tied to the tracks,like in the movies, so I went down and untied her, and took her home with me. Boy, did I score there! We did it in every room, every which way. Fabulous night."

Barman said, "Lucky so-and-so! Was she pretty?"

"Dunno. Couldn't find her head."

[KeithL]

Re: Wally, one for You

And - my cousin sent me this one this morning.

A wee bit of Scottish compassion


A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no legs.

Three women, one from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.



The English woman said, "Have you ever had a hug?"

The man said, "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.


The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"

The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.


The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been f- -d laddie?"

The man broke into a big smile and said, "No".

She said, "Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in."

[Chevvyf1]

Re: Wally, one for You

Since Chevvy likes sick ones....

There's a very ugly bloke who can't get a girl, goes to the pub every night, and sits grumpily over a beer all night.

Then suddenly one night, he comes in, beaming from ear to ear. Barman says, "Hey you look happy! Never seen you like that." Bloke says, "On my way home last night, I went by the railway, and there was this girl there tied to the tracks,like in the movies, so I went down and untied her, and took her home with me. Boy, did I score there! We did it in every room, every which way. Fabulous night."

Barman said, "Lucky so-and-so! Was she pretty?"

"Dunno. Couldn't find her head."

Keith, I do not like sick jokes - but funny jokes

[KeithL]

Re: Wally, one for You

Keith, I do not like sick jokes - but funny jokes

Don't worry.....I don't know any more like that one... It's quite funny though!

[Chevvyf1]

Re: Wally, one for You

Wally and ANOTHER

Picture of a girl in Supermarket car park, [tight fitting lycra dress and pulling up her black pair of pants ... cannot copy it here ]

text as follows ...

WARNING!! SCAM ALERT***
Keep an eye out for this girl and her friend. They are hanging around in Sainsbury’s Supermarket Longwater Lane, Norwich and when you are putting your groceries into the car they approach you asking for a lift to McDonald's. These girls are very convincing and very hot! Once in your car this one takes her clothes off while getting on top of you to distract you while the other takes your wallet. I've had my wallet stolen now on the 14th, 15th and 16th, twice yesterday and probably two more times tomorrow.

Sainsbury’s have wallets for sale for £3.99 but I've found some in The Range for only £1.49 so have bought 4. Also, you never actually make it to McDonalds so I've also lost 11lbs